What are the Underlying Concerns of Mature and Senior Divorces?

October 28, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

There are many reasons why couples may choose to get a divorce at a later stage in their lives. Indeed, divorces cantake place for many of the same reasons attributed to younger breakups – including financial pressures, infidelity and more. Between 1990 and 2010, the divorce rate for people between the ages of 50 and older in the U.S. doubled according to a study by sociologists at Bowling Green State University, indicating that the further we move into the future, the more natural it is to consider divorce as a solution to an unhappy marriage. One thing I notice regularly about divorces that take place between older partners, is that there are a different set of concerns in play than the worries that might have taken precedence during divorce at an early stage. For instance, when seniors get a divorce, the main focus is on both the immediate and future financial security of those individuals. Child custody, parenting time, and child support might still be at issue. Often, however, with more mature couples, there are no issues regarding child support and child custody – as the children have grown into adults who can care for themselves. Instead, the primary issues are on things like the distribution of pensions and 401ks, the choice of whether a house is sold or kept, and whether maintenance, alimony or spousal support should be awarded.

In mature people and senior divorce cases, the financial issues can be particularly crucial because if both of the people involved are already retired, then there is less likelihood that either spouse will be in a position to create new assets or income. Even if one individual is still working, they may choose to retire and find that their earned income ceases. One of the first considerations in these divorce circumstances will often be maintenance. While many young couples agree to maintenance agreement that provides support for an ex for a shorter period of time, those exiting in long-term marriages might be seeking maintenance for a longer duration. The New York 2016 maintenance law does contain not only guidelines for maintenance amounts based on income, but it also has guidelines for the duration of post divorce maintenance. Continue reading ›

How Do You Get a Spouse to Agree to Divorce Mediation?

October 14, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

When you and your spouse agree that it might be time to consider a divorce, you’ll discover that there are a number of different routes available for you to choose from. Divorce doesn’tautomatically have to be about stressful litigation – it can be something that you come to terms about collaboratively, with the use of mediation. Mediation is a flexible process that can be used to help you sort out existing problems regarding the financial results of your divorce, or what needs to be done about child custody and parenting time. Unfortunately, just because one spouse decides that mediation may be the right call for their divorce needs – doesn’t mean that the other spouse will agree.

Sometimes, simply broaching the topic of mediation with caution and patience is a good way to get started in encouraging your spouse to agree to an alternative form of dispute resolution. After all, divorce is easily one of the most uncomfortable experiences a person can go through. Although you might be getting a divorce, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be mindful and respectful of the other person’s feelings.

Approaching the Topic on Neutral Ground

A good way to encourage a reluctant spouse to reconsider the option of mediation, is to approach the subject from a position that is important to both of you. For example:

Consider the Children

Make sure that your spouse understands that through mediation, you can reduce some of the discomfort typically associated with aggressive court-based battles and litigation. This can be beneficial to the future relationships that both of you maintain with your children. What’s more, throughout the mediation process, you will both be in control of any decisions made about the support and parenting of your children – meaning that you can work together to fashion an agreement that works for both of you. Continue reading ›

When Is New York Mediation Appropriate in High Conflict or Abusive Relationships?

August 26, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Resolving issues in a New York divorce through mediation is usually less expensive than asking the court to resolve them through trial. However, certain conditions are necessary to mediate matters like property division, spousal support, child custody, and child support. The primary condition that needs to be present is the ability to communicate. Sometimes a mediator is the very thing that can work to facilitate the communication necessary to resolve the issues needed to be agreed upon to legally separate or divorce.

Unfortunately, many relationships have broken down because of difficulties communicating. When a couple engages in deceit, threats, coercive behavior, or physical violence, the relationship may be too damaged to have a rational discussion of options, especially with regard to such matters as maintenance and child custody. Just because any of those aspects exist, does not mean it is impossible to mediate. As, it all starts with the willigness to try to mediate. Last week’s blog was about situations where mediation is worth trying, even in high conflict relationships. If one spouse is phsyically afraid of the other, because of prior domestic violence for example, it is possible that he or she may agree to things in the process of mediation in order to get away from the other spouse.

Couples that have a high degree of conflict or even abuse in their relationships may not be able to communicate with each other in a productive way, but instead they may communicate out of strong destructive emotions like extreme anger (anger is not uncommon with mediating couples or fear. In those cases, mediation is not a good option because peaceful negotiations are not possible. I should mention, that although past performance is not predictive of future results, I have seen a high success rate in resolving issues for the couples that have agreed to mediate. But today’s blog is about a case, not one of mine, in which at least one of the parties to a mediation had second thought afterwards. Continue reading ›

Can Divorce Mediation Work in High-Conflict Relationships?

August 21, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Many people assume that the only way to handle a divorce with a high-conflict partner is to buckle down for arollercoaster ride of litigation and court appearances. However, one point of view is that this just leads to additional conflict, and a lengthy divorce procedure that can cost a lot in terms of financial input, and emotional sacrifice. During my time as a professionally trained mediator, I have helped couples from a range of different backgrounds and surrounding circumstances to discover an agreeable solution to what may seem, in their eyes, to be an impossible problem. One thing that I have noticed in my experience is that although the mediation process is obviously easier, and less demanding when it’s launched between a pair of ex-spouses who still have a level of communication and amicability between them – that doesn’t mean that the system only works in cases of no-conflict divorce.

There are situation of course, where mediation is not possible, although in almost all circumstances, it is possible to achieve a more lucrative, and beneficial divorce procedure when a cooperative process is embraced – instead of a combative one. This means that it may be worth considering all of the options, before you simply assume that your “high conflict” divorce is limited to litigation. After all, if mediation and litigation are both avenues that lead to arguments and disagreements between you and your ex-spouse, doesn’t it make sense to attempt to resolve those arguments with an impartial expert before spending time, money, and energy on aggressive litigation? Continue reading ›

How Can a Financial Neutral Aid in Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Law?

May 27, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Although divorce lawyers are required to remain current with their knowledge in all areas involving family law, thisdoesn’t negate the value of accessing external insight from other professionals during a divorce mediation or collaborative law procedure. I often find that divorcing couples seem unsure of their rights regarding financial matters during a divorce, and may be unaware of the financial implications posed by different settlement options. Just as a child specialist can be effective in helping couples to navigate the complexities associated with child-centric cases, a financial neutral can be beneficial in providing guidance regarding financial concerns. Specifically, financial neutrals can be particularly helpful in answering the question of how both sides in a divorce can manage the transition from one household, to two households, in a way that maintains financial stability.

Unlike collaborative cases – which often involve a team of professionals, most mediation sessions involve a divorcing couple, and a mediator. However, this doesn’t mean that mediation, like collaborative law, cannot be supported by independent parties. In fact, mediating coupes are regularly advised to seek out review attorneys who can review their mediated agreement and help them understand their rights. In the same vein, there’s nothing preventing other professionals from joining the mediation for the best interests of both parties involved. After all, during a litigated case, other experts are frequently retained and court ordered. In collaborative cases, financial neutrals, and neutral divorce coaches usually make up vital parts of the team. Continue reading ›

Child Specialists in Child Custody, Divorce, Mediation and Collaborative Cases

May 20, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

Matters of family law are almost always more complex when they involve children. This is one of the manyreasons why a large number of parent’s attempt to resolve disputes and concerns through amicable legal methods such as mediation and collaborative law, in an effort to avoid some of the frustration and turmoil that can result through litigation. Sometimes, in order for a mediation or collaborative case to have the most successful impact in any given situation, it may require the input of additional input beyond that given by the neutral mediating party, and any collaborative lawyers present. In fact, many mediators and collaborative lawyers actively advise working alongside other experts during a negotiation-friendly discussion of child custody and parenting time issues whether in the context of a divorce or not.

One of the many valuable experts involved in collaborative and mediation cases for parents, is a child specialist. These individuals are often engaged in an attempt to assist with easing the emotional transition and friction involved in making decisions based on parenting time, custody, and other highly significant family matters. Child specialists are unique in their ability to offer significant value to many cases in the form of additional specialized knowledge, techniques for dispute resolution, and more. While child specialists are referred to most commonly in the context of collaborative law, they can also be used to positive effect in mediation. Continue reading ›

Separation Agreements Reached Through Mediation Are Binding

May 7, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

The goal of divorce mediation is for a couple to reach a settlement on one or more issues related to their divorce. To that end, a neutral third party known as a mediator helps each side understand the relative strengths and weaknesses in their position and tries to move them closer to a consensus. While neither party may get exactly what they want, they try to come to an agreement with which they can both live. Often, mediation allows for a better outcome than litigation, and it can be easier on a couple’s children.

If an agreement is reached at mediation, it may be formalized in a separation agreement. Courts treat this agreement the way they would treat other contracts. Although a neutral third party may help the parties reach a different outcome than what a judge would have decided, the court will treat the agreement seriously, except in certain circumstances.

In Ruparelia v. Ruperalia, a husband and wife were married in 1994 and had three children. The husband was a doctor, and the wife had a Master’s degree in social work. In 2011, the couple experienced significant discord, causing them to participate in divorce mediation. During the mediation, they reached an agreement as to asset distribution, spousal maintenance, and child support. These agreements were formalized in a separation agreement, executed in the summer of 2011.

Material Misrepresentation of Assets During Mediation in New York

March 25, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

During a separation or divorce mediation in New York, couples are expected to honestly disclose their assets. Dishonesty during this process can result in a case being set aside.

In the 2015 case Moore v. Moore, an ex-husband tried to subpoena financial records from his ex-wife so that he could use them to challenge a separation agreement negotiated two years before. The couple had divorced in 2013 based on a mediated settlement agreement.

Both parties had provided financial disclosures in order to reach the agreement. They both provided warranties that they had completely and truthfully represented their current assets. They also agreed that if they divorced, they would have to produce all documents necessary to enforce the agreement terms. The agreement was incorporated into the divorce judgment.

Why Select a Divorce Attorney to be your Divorce Mediator?

March 7, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

In some cases, divorce mediation can be the best solution for a couple who want to find an amicable way inwhich to end their relationship. It allows individuals the opportunity to settle disputes that typically arise in the instance of divorce, outside of the discomfort of a court-room setting, and promotes a less formal, yet often effective way to overcome and negotiate differences. However, the success of your mediation will not only depend on your willingness, as a party of divorce, to negotiate, but also the skills, techniques, and experience of the mediator you are using to guide you through the process.

Although in most mediations, the legal system only has a minimal amount of involvement, it is still a legal process that benefits from the use of a professional with extensive knowledge of matrimonial and divorce law. Ultimately a court needs to review the papers, approve the agreements and sign off on any divorce judgment. Mediation should provide a structured format in which friction can be minimized during a spousal settlement conversation. Mediators are not judges, arbitrators, or referees, and they cannot make decisions on any party’s behalf about important concerns. However, what they can do is offer insight as a neutral and impartial third party, helping disputants to reach a compromise that they both find acceptable. Continue reading ›

Divorce Mediation Styles in New York

January 6, 2016 | Law and Mediation Office of Darren M. Shapiro, P.C.

There are different ways to handle a divorce in New York, including mediation, litigation, and collaborative divorce. How the divorce is handled can substantially affect the outcome and cost, but there are pros and cons to each approach.

Divorce mediation is a popular form of alternative dispute resolution. Mediation involves a voluntary settlement process that allows a couple opportunities to make their own decision about significant decisions, such as where the kids will live, parenting time or visitation, how property will be divided, and whether one spouse will pay support to the other. Often, divorce mediation is not appropriate for cases involving domestic violence. In contrast, litigation in which negotiations are unsuccessful can lead to a trial after which a judge will make important decisions for the couple.

A trained divorce mediator, who should be a neutral party with no prior affiliation with either spouse, conducts the mediation and sets the structure. Generally, it is a good idea for both parties to also have legal representation from separate review attorneys, if not before, then when an agreement is drafted. This provides added protection against any oversights that occur during mediation. The mediator should be experienced and very familiar with the Domestic Relations Law and other laws governing divorce in New York.