Many people who call me are considering whether to file and server their spouse or to try to negotiate first.
They’ve already lived through the false starts. The awkward holidays. The night-time math. The talks that begin calmly and somehow end in someone standing in the kitchen saying, “I can’t keep doing this.”
So when they finally reach me, they want movement. Filing feels like movement. It has a date. A receipt. A court file. Whether you are in Nassau, Suffolk, or Queens County, it means something real has finally been started, and after months, or years, of private misery, I understand why that feels good.
Still, filing first doesn’t automatically hand you the house, custody, or the better financial deal. It also doesn’t automatically speed up the process of getting everything “figured out”.
A court in New York still divides marital property using equitable distribution, which means the court looks at fairness under the statute, including what counts as marital and separate property. That takes time. Custody agreements do too, since decisions focus on the child’s best interests, not which parent got to the court first. Continue reading ›
Long Island Family Law and Mediation Blog



I’ve handled enough divorce matters to know that every county has its own texture. In Columbia county, every space has it’s own nuance. A divorce in Hudson doesn’t feel the same as one centered in Chatham, Kinderhook, Copake, or Germantown. People here are spread out. Lives are layered.
Going into a divorce, people know it’s going to be uncomfortable. Money gets dissected. Parenting schedules get debated. What they don’t want is a prolonged battle that eats up savings and turns minor disputes into major standoffs. Avoiding added stress and legal expense isn’t easy when the default path is litigation.
Divorce has a way of pulling in every part of your life at once. It’s emotional, of course, but it’s also about money, children, property, and paperwork. I’ve sat across from clients who were exhausted before we even started, not because of the marriage ending, but because the legal steps felt endless.
Divorce affects every couple differently, but it’s never easy, or straightforward. Even when both parties agree that parting ways is the best way forward, the complexity mounts up. Sometimes, dividing up assets isn’t even the most difficult part. The challenge comes from sitting across a table from someone you planned to spend your entire life with, and trying to agree on what’s next.
There’s a reason why divorce is described as one of the most disruptive and stressful things a person can go through. It’s painful on an emotional level – even if you and your ex-spouse agree that the best path forward should take you in different directions. But there’s another side to it too, filled with endless paperwork, complex decisions, and sometimes appearances in court you’d rather avoid.
We’ve come a long way from the days when the only way to end a marriage was to spend hours, weeks, or months presenting cases in court. As an experienced family law attorney myself, I know there are always situations where the traditional “litigation” approach still makes the most sense. But for many couples across New York, alternative dispute resolution methods are often a lot more appealing. Mediation, for instance, doesn’t completely eliminate the stress of divorce, but it is, for many, a superior process.